by Edd Doerr
Several years ago, when the Moonie (Unification Church) missionaries were pushing their wares in airports, I was stuck at Chicago-O'Hare for several hours. A young woman Moonie missionary approached and tried to engage in conversation. I shrugged my shoulders and said, "Jeg forstor de ikke. Jeg snakker ikke Engelsk." She walked away.
An hour later I was still waiting for my flight, but in a different location. The Moonie missionary walked up again. This time I responded, "Ich verstehe sie nicht. Ich spreche kein englisch", and shook my head. She turned and left with a puzzled look in her face.
About an hour or so after that, as I was leaving an airport restaurant, the same young woman came up with a handful of Moonie literature. This time I said, "Yo no le entiendo a Usted. Yo no hablo ingles." She got all wide-eyed, dropped her literature and literally ran off at top speed.
Throwing Norwegian, German and Spanish at her probably made the poor kid's head hurt.
Well, reading the Moonie-owned Washington Times, with its ultraconservative rants against Obama every day makes me nauseous. I am comforted by the realization that the paper has lost the Moonies over a billion dollars over the past 25 years.