Virtuous Circles

by Gary Berg-Cross

Thanksgiving is certainly family and togetherness time that is an opportunity for a bit of reflection on values and internalities as grand as gratitude and as considered as kindness.  It is a time to graciously take what we have with gratitude rather than to take good things for granted. And as Richard Dawkins suggest it is a nice opportunity to “teach generosity and altruism, because we are born selfish.”

It seems a bit odd, though that the day after Thanksgiving much is taken for granted and some may be grateful that the local Box Store opens early to allow the externality of charitable shopping that pre-ritualizes the winter present season of gifting.  

Our market system has found a way to take some inward feelings of kindness and the generous impulse to give more than we have and expresses these as ritualized, wrapped presents.  It’s probably not the largely solitary behavior without expression of thanks that William Arthur Ward was thinking of when he said:

“Feeling gratitude and not expressing it is like wrapping a present and not giving it.

Nor is it the connection that Henry Van Dyke made between the kindness-gratitude-thanksgiving trilogy when he hypothesized that:

Gratitude is the inward feeling of kindness received. Thankfulness is the natural impulse to express that feeling. Thanksgiving is the following of that impulse.

Family and friends set around the table are a nice way to spark action on feelings received kindness. It affords an opportunity to rekindle each

others kindness flames and reflect on those who in the past have contributed to our kindness flames. Such virtuous circles can parent many good things and well on the wise path to the Confucian practice that:

To practice five things under all circumstances constitutes perfect virtue; these five are gravity, generosity of soul, sincerity, earnestness, and kindness.

All the more reason then in today’s times to think a bit more broadly and inclusively about thoughtful generosity reflecting kin kindness. To paraphrase Tom Stoppard, the generosity between kin can apply not only

to our extended family but inclusively to our neighbors, our village and globally beyond. After all we are the beneficiaries of exceptional American resources and its people's historical, collective generosity. With a global view we can hope, if not expect, some inclusive generosity like immigration reform and the virtuous fires it sparks for those who were not born here but seek its kindness.

There is overwhelming evidence that the higher the level of self-esteem, the more likely one will be to treat others with respect, kindness, and generosity.

Nathaniel Branden

Celebrating Nelson Mandela

By Gary Berg-Cross

When I was growing up Martin Luther King was a clear, heroic voice speaking truth to established power.  He seemed a moral giant then and continues to inspire and motivate us.

Today Nelson Mandela, former president and anti-apartheid leader, has that robe of moral hero with a life painted with patient strength, topped with a crowning wisdom and a generosity of spirit.  He never served on the military battlefield, and is humble in words, but his is a life of bravery and dedication.

“I was not a messiah, but an ordinary man who had become a leader because of extraordinary circumstances.” – Nelson Mandela

He mastered, what must have been great, imprisoned emotional pain with a willingness to smile. Other so called fathers of a nation, our George Washington or Italy's Giuseppe Garibaldi, birthed a nation on a battlefield. But Mandela did it with smiles and understanding. It's a long range strategy of an imprisonment. Knowledge came in time, but it served a lingering wisdom that was self learned.

He could see the big picture and make sacrifices for the cause of others. His largeness of spirit and self mastery is not deniable even by his enemies.  As John Carlin author of  Playing the Enemy , noted he showed his supposed enemies “ordinary respect” – and it won them over. He overcame them by changing them. It's not something military. It is social.

Ever since Nelson Mandela became president of South Africa after winning his country’s first democratic elections in April 1994, the national anthem has consisted of two songs spliced—not particularly mellifluously—together. One is “Nkosi Sikelel’ iAfrika,” or “God Bless Africa,” sung at black protest rallies during the forty-six years between the rise and fall of apartheid. The other is “Die Stem,” (“The Call”), the old white anthem, a celebration of the European settlers’ conquest of Africa’s southern tip. It was Mandela’s idea to juxtapose the two, his purpose being to forge from the rival tunes’ discordant notes a powerfully symbolic message of national harmony.

All of this allowed what has been called a double miracle. He didn't just bring a political settlement that parceled out things for different races. He also started on a settlement path in ordinary South African everyday life.

Recently millions around the world celebrated his 95th birthday and his homeland South Africans there were songs and hundreds gathered outside his hospital bearing  cards, balloons and flowers. Others  participated in special charitable events. They celebrate by volunteering 67 minutes of good deeds in recognition of Mandela’s 67 years in public service. (One only wishes that MLK had had that time.)

And its no longer just for South African now the event that has been internationally designated “Nelson Mandela Day”. A good chance to celebrate some of his values such as promoting a fair, just and equitable world.

Here's to a great Humanitarian voice.

No one is born hating another person because of the color of his skin, or his background, or his religion. People must learn to hate, and if they can learn to hate, they can be taught to love, for love comes more naturally to the human heart than its opposite.” –Nelson Mandela 

Images

Nelson Mandela after his release from twenty-seven years in prison, Soweto, South Africa, Feb. 17, 1990. Photograph by Louise Gubb

Smiling image below by Luis Grañena

Personally engineering happiness for the new year

by Gary Berg-Cross

My  friend Michael emailed me a link to a site (Action For Happiness) discussing activities that can promote happiness. Seems like  some good things to consider for the new year, especially as it starts out with gratitude and optimism which are useful, if challenging to feel at this point in History..

For Rational, Secular Humanists I would supplement these with the directed suggestions in Paul Kurtz's Affirmations of Humanism and joyful exuberance such as:

• We believe in enjoying life here and now and in developing our creative talents to their fullest.
• We believe in the cultivation of moral excellence.

According to my friend Michael his list is based on research that suggests the 12 activities below are among the most effective for boosting personal Happiness. 

So here is to building some individual and perhaps collective skill in happiness promoting practices: 
 

1 Expressing Gratitude
2 Cultivating Optimism
3. Avoiding Overthinking and Social Comparison
4 Practicing Acts of Kindness
5 Nurturing Social Relationships
6 Developing Strategies for Coping
7 Learning to Forgive
8 Increasing Flow Experiences
9 Savoring Life's Joys
10: Committing to Your Goals
11 Taking Care of Your Body (via Meditation)
                                                              12 Taking Care of Your Body (Physical Activity)

Now I don't expect to see these practiced in some important circles, like Congress, still it is important to give us all a chance to reset our lives and it may work for the rest of us.

Picture Credits

Wonder and gratitude:http://blog.zerodean.com/2011/quotes/gratitude-is-happiness-doubled-by-wonder/

Gratitude:http://www.ingeniosus.net/archives/category/social-emotional

Life Reset List:http://inspacesbetween.com/insights-inspiration/100-reasons-your-life-rocks-right-now/

Social and Emotional Learning: http://www.sanford.org/index.asp?Type=B_BASIC&SEC={3D98CCEE-65D8-469E-9A87-356B2316AD42}